26/09/06 - turning the tabels
Woke at around 10 and stayed in bed till 11 reading Mr. Herbert. It's getting rather interesting, if disturbing. Greeted Sean's mum on the doorstep in my dressing gown at 11. Second time in two days I've greeted a relative in the morning in barely any clothing. It's somewhat embarrasing! After that, I went on the computer for hardly any time at all (just while I ate breakfast) and then I set about cleaning downstairs. I was in a cleaning mood I think. I swept the floors, mopped what needed mopping and hoovered what needed hovering. I put on a load of washing and took in yesterdays. Some of this I did while Sean was out, and I'm only sorry that I didn't do the washing up while he was out (I was mopping when he came back), 'cos then I think he would've been really proud of me.
That's when the day took a bit of a turn. It was half one when I was finished and I decided I needed a break. I think it was well deserved, though I spent took much time on it. You see, my fingers had been itching to start having a look at all the merchandise that my grandparents brought round yesterday. So I did. And that's all I did until half four, when both our stomachs starting growling. I grudenly left the merchandise and went a made lunch (more left overs form the weekend) and then suddenly it was six. I spent more time on the merchandise and then we went for a walk to my campus to get some fresh air and see how long it took (about 20 minutes) then suddenly it was half 8 and I started dinner.
Sean has been saying for a few days that he doesn't feel good (his guts give him trouble) and said he was going to go for another walk. But that changed as he came and sat on my lap and just started crying. I tried best as I could to comfort him and see what was wrong. I think it was his guts to begin with, but once he started he couldn't stop. I know this well, it's what happens to me too. He went to think outloud about our relationship and as he was sobbing loudly as he spoke, that's when the tears came to my eyes. A part of him says it's all okay and he feels comforted by me and he loves me. Another part says that we're just two people, just friends, not really partners any more. The phrase "just two people" was one that I came up with, as I felt the same way, and I'm afraid that now I've vocalised it, put it into words, it's easier for him to think that way (as he felt like it too). I hope not, but time will tell. It's very strange for me to see Sean that way, as he's the one who supports me. I hope we can get through it - that is both of our black dogs, together.
That's it for tonight. I don't think Sean was damaged by his outburst earlier, as he's currently humping my bottom.
Things tomorrow:
That's when the day took a bit of a turn. It was half one when I was finished and I decided I needed a break. I think it was well deserved, though I spent took much time on it. You see, my fingers had been itching to start having a look at all the merchandise that my grandparents brought round yesterday. So I did. And that's all I did until half four, when both our stomachs starting growling. I grudenly left the merchandise and went a made lunch (more left overs form the weekend) and then suddenly it was six. I spent more time on the merchandise and then we went for a walk to my campus to get some fresh air and see how long it took (about 20 minutes) then suddenly it was half 8 and I started dinner.
Sean has been saying for a few days that he doesn't feel good (his guts give him trouble) and said he was going to go for another walk. But that changed as he came and sat on my lap and just started crying. I tried best as I could to comfort him and see what was wrong. I think it was his guts to begin with, but once he started he couldn't stop. I know this well, it's what happens to me too. He went to think outloud about our relationship and as he was sobbing loudly as he spoke, that's when the tears came to my eyes. A part of him says it's all okay and he feels comforted by me and he loves me. Another part says that we're just two people, just friends, not really partners any more. The phrase "just two people" was one that I came up with, as I felt the same way, and I'm afraid that now I've vocalised it, put it into words, it's easier for him to think that way (as he felt like it too). I hope not, but time will tell. It's very strange for me to see Sean that way, as he's the one who supports me. I hope we can get through it - that is both of our black dogs, together.
That's it for tonight. I don't think Sean was damaged by his outburst earlier, as he's currently humping my bottom.
Things tomorrow:
- More washing
- Start to unpack clothes from boxes
posted by Mel at 10:56 pm
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